Weekend recap September 28, 2009

Well, after having the most eventful week Atlanta’s experienced since 1919, our weekend was pretty ordinary.  On Friday, I got to begin my “top secret project” which I may tell you about, but Mike is CLUELESS on (or so I hope). I am learning how to do a craft that I don’t have much experience in, but think is actually going much better than I expected. Learning new crafts is just right up my alley!

Then on Friday night, Tom and Alexis (his girlfriend) came to visit us! It was so nice to have their company and wished they could have stayed for the entire weekend. We got to go to the Marietta Dinner, a favorite of Mike, Cole, and I for it’s 24-hour service and amazing dessert selection. Because they didn’t get in till 9:30 on Friday night, we all enjoyed a variety of wonderful desserts- Key Lime Pie, Tiramisu, and Chocolate Chip Cheesecake which MB and I split. Then on Saturday, we went to downtown Atlanta so they could see the city for breakfast. They left that afternoon to head out to Lavonia, and the Dillard House, to spend time with the Bennett grandparents.

For the rest of Saturday, we spent the day in. I cut Michael’s hair (way better than when I tried to do it 5 years ago), he worked on our wedding invitations, and I made an Apple tart (it wasn’t too good, but Mike likes it). Our Young Professionals Meeting got cancelled due to weather issues which was just the trend this week.  So we just got stuff done around the house before Mike went home for the night.

Then on Sunday, we went to church and heard such a refreshing message straight from the heart of God through Sterling. It was just really amazing to hear the gospel so simply and effectively preached. He spoke on our number one priority being reconciled to God, and through that God deals with our sin. It’s not the other way around, and so often we try to front a better look on the outside than have a better relationship with God internally. The church is guilty of ranking sins from bad to worse rather than realizing that it’s all sin to God. Then, we are to be reconciled to people and help others be reconciled to God. As we grow in our relationship with Christ, our love for others should also grow. Often the church is not known for this, and instead for the things we hate or disapprove of. It was a great Word! 🙂

Then we got to hang out with Mrs. Brown and the YPM group! 🙂 It has been such a blessing for Michael and I to be a part of already, and I can see how God is using this specific group to have us grow in friendships with other Christians for our church including, but not limited to, my new friends, Belki, Britt, David, Mike, Estey, etc. Each week, Myssi brings great questions that bring us closer to one another and draw us to God and his heart for people. (Also, let it be clear, that my blog is an official blog for all individuals who would rather spend a weekend in a hotel than camping, and would pick going to a play over seeing a movie. This blogs for you! ). Good stuff!

And on Sunday night, after managing to let another weekend fly by (which praise God they do, we’re 82 days away from being Mr. and Mrs. Bennett! 🙂 ), we got to have a really great pre-marital counseling session with the Fishers! It has blessed us so much to have them do our counseling with us, and the 2 Sessions we did really chiseled out God’s design in putting us together and what He wants us to accomplish. It’s really awesome to know that God has plans for both us that we couldn’t fulfill without the other anymore. That’s my favorite part of marriage, just how God doesn’t just want us to not be alone, but He wants us to work to produce something (and not just baby Bennetts 🙂 )that lasts well beyond our lifetime and that we need each other to do.

Wow, God is rockin’ my world! :) September 21, 2009

I am just so amazed with God, and what He can do in our lives if we just let Him. I have been blown away with some simple, obvious revelation this last week – that nothing matters if we don’t spend time with Him in the Word and soak up how much He loves us. It doesn’t matter how much time you spend meeting people for coffee, working on building a ministry, going to church, singing worship songs, and how many times you hear someone tell you how much God loves you if you don’t know that for yourself. We have to go straight to the Source of it all. We have to go to the very reason any of those things exist, and are really, important at all. I think it’s so easy for myself, and probably many others, to forget this simple reality. I cannot build a ministry in my life, at GSU, with young professionals, if at the end of the day I’m building it on an empty Jesus tank. For so long, I’ve practiced the decieving lie that doing those “things” was greater than spending time with God. When my schedule filled up, or didn’t, and I decided that God wasn’t worth my time, my life wasn’t prosperous, I began to judge more, I forgot what God says, I started to have a bad attitude, I started to build a ministry off of myself and what I thought He said, did, wanted, etc. (not good). But what I love about the Lord is that he is willing to do whatever it takes for us to know Him, trust Him, hang out with Him, love Him and know His love for us, etc. God doesn’t bless what takes away from His relationship with you because it matters more to Him than anything you can do for him. And if I could just really, really realize that ultimately I can’t bless a ministry with my own ideologies any better than the world than maybe I’d realize how important it was for not only myself, but for the fruit God has waiting for me to harvest now and in the future to know Him today and everyday. And what is another crazy reality is that I’m really not that important. I’m important to Christ, don’t get me wrong, but people don’t need another social event with free food, or just a friend, they need Jesus. We can be so prideful to think that we are needed to others more than Christ within us.  It happens with the best of intentions, to meet someone who doesn’t know God for lunch that you haven’t been able to spend time with yet – it doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, God is way more jealous for you than your ministry and what you can “put out” in your relationship with Him. Letting that soak in will probably take longer than a lifetime, but get this –

–> It’s time for us all to make God’s priorities our priorities and that’s #1 Him and then #2 everything else.

Feelin’ good September 17, 2009

Helllooooooo,

After my extended vacation from blogging, I’m now back and ready to talk about some things! Well, let me do a little recap…

Mike and I had our friends, Kelsey, Kevin and JLee,  in town a couple weekends ago and had so much fun! They got in late Friday night, and on that night I got my much awaited birthday present from Lee Lee! She painted for me “Love is all around” which will begin my Jessica Erin Lee art collection! Then on Saturay we ventured to IHOP (pancakes), walked on the Silver Comet Trail, NAPPED (this is something we all needed), ate Brinner (breakfast for dinner), and went to this local  bar to play board games. On Sunday, we got to go with Resolution Church and 7 Bridges Ministries (if I remember correctly) to serve the homeless in the greater Atlanta area. It was really neat for myself to personally have this experience. I realized over the years how much my heart had become hardened towards those who don’t have a roof over their heads. I think it was just not knowing 1) God’s heart for the poor and 2) allowing past experiences to really shape my own belief system about the homeless. It’s very difficult, still, when you see the grave situations people are in AND that they CHOOSE to not get out of. That’s what is so difficult for me. There was one woman inparticular that really reminded me of “the woman on the mat” in the Bible. Kelsey and I got the priviledge to pray for her and give her some food and drink, but that was it. She didn’t want to leave her mat. And it’s the same frustration I have with ministry in general – the desire to not budge. To not move. To stay right where you are. Obviously, in homelessness, this is a much clearer picture. It may be a lot more difficult to see “the woman on the mat” in us and in those around us. That attitude is in areas of our lives God hasn’t even begun to put his finger on, or maybe he has? Who knows. If anyone, God, and if you, then maybe it’s time to change that. It may be time for God to also soften your heart like He is beginning to do mine. You have to remember you didn’t do it for whoever that person is to begin with, you did it for God and He sees the desires and intentions of your heart regardless of what other people decide. Regardless if you’ve had plenty of classmates or friends say “no” when you invite them to ENCM, or your family thinks you’re crazy (for not being Catholic – how could you!?), or whatever the situation may be – know that God knows and God sees your heart before Him. Even in the discouragement, that’s what we have to cling on to and God’s promises for us. He may be doing things inside of your heart, or their heart, that we can’t see. It’s ok. God will do His part, we must continue to do ours, and hopefully, people will begin to change.

Then on Sunday night, we ventured to go camping at Stone Mountain! I loved it! I was first of all, SO PROUD of Kevin for not only going, but really having a great time and attitude in the process! I think this weekend blessed Kelsey and I just from how much him and Michael bonded! It was awesome! Poor JLee though was sick! She couldn’t go with us on the service project, but I don’t think she was too sad to miss out on hiking up Stone Mountain! I know she really loved the Stone Mountain Laser Show on Saturday night though ;)! Our new friend, Dave came along too! It was such a blessing to Mike and I to have him there and to have our Tallahassee and Atlanta friends get to know one another! I am so thankful he came! He even saved the day by bringing some very helpful flashlights because by the time we start cooking dinner on the grill, it was already getting dark outside!

The next morning, we climbed up Stone Mountain and when I tell you it was a “hike”, I was dying half way up the thing! I can’t believe how out of shape I am! I am thinking about maybe starting to walk on the Silver Comet Trail when I get off of work 3 times/week. I figured Mondays it will not be possible because I’m trying to just get to GSU on time, and Tuesdays is currently mine and Michael’s “date night”. So maybe on Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and then Saturdays with Michael in the morning.

Well work is busy, I am going to skip ahead to the next weekend. The week inbetween I was just absolutely, miserably sick. It was this terrible cold (that I got from my SOS in Tally) and it just completely exhausted Michael and I. I mean, on Tuesday I could cook us both dinner and then the rest of the week we had soup leftovers and would eat and then go to bed. It was pitiful, but maybe just what I needed. This week I have been paying for it though, and have done a decent job catching up and getting back to the flow of things.

TBC…

September 3, 2009 September 3, 2009

So let’s talk about how much it (can) sucks to die to yourself. I recently got into a fight with a family member, and all I want to do is tell them that they are wrong. Instead, what does God tell us to do? Die to ourselves and seek out reconciliation. That’s much easier said than done. I couldn’t bring myself to call this individual so instead a wrote an email clearly explaining my apologies without the that big ol’ “…BUT” that is so natural to throw out when saying “I’m sorry”.  It goes something like this…

“I’m really sorry that I hurt you. I did not want to hurt you and ask for your forgiveness, BUT you were not completely right either.”

That stinkin’ “BUT” gets in there so easily, but I didn’t give into it and I will ultimately be glad that I didn’t (eventually). It’s not about being the bigger person, it’s about being the Christian person.  When we actively seek reconciliation with someone who is not a Christian (or who is), it allows them to see Christ in us (not doing so is not Christ-like). If they continue to resist your proactiveness, it begins to corrode them internally, and when they don’t and come to know God it glorifies Him.  Suck up the pain now, and deflect the glory to God later.

Next, I want to explore my femininity. I struggled with my womanhood when moving to Atlanta initially with Michael. I felt trapped within the context of being a Christian woman which seemed to deeply contrast with the woman I’d always imagined being – powerful and independent. I started to read Captivating today by John & Stasi Eldredge which ” unveils the mystery of the woman’s soul”. I have only gotten 14 pages in, but it has already affirmed me that I am not the only woman to deeply struggle with not being enough and being too much at the same time. I am really looking forward to getting to blog more on this, and would (as always), love to hear what people (men included) feel about the topics and the book itself.

So far, my favorite part in the book is this:

” Think about the women you meet at church…Like we said, you’d have to conclude that a godly woman is…tired. And guilty. We’re all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, ‘The Proverbs 31 Woman,’ whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex?…”

It made me laught out loud when I read the last line. It’s funny because I know that Michael used this as part of his proposal, but by that weekend on the car ride home I was devastated by it. What if I don’t want to be her? What if I want to feel my destiny and purpose is different than being a homemaker? Is that wrong? Is that ok? I just broke down in the car deeply desiring to know why I was loved, what about ME did he love?! Oh, Proverbs 31 Woman whoever you are, you are a champion among us, but is that what being a godly woman looks like for me? Or am I an Esther? a Ruth? Or is it ok to just be an Ashley Nicole Lynn? Just my breakdown of the same dilemma I’m realizing other women have at the very least thought about.

September 2nd, 2009 September 2, 2009

Ugh, I just wrote the first half of this post, and am having to repost it. I really do not like when that happens.

Well, today has been even less eventful than yesterday (which I will be recapping). We only have 1 PA here, and usually there are 2 and 1 doctor in the back working. Makes for a VERY slow day especially since without the doctor we don’t have any new patients (= way less paperwork). Yesterday morning did not start off so easy. I got chewed out randomly by my boss infront of the delivery man (way worse to have happen in front of someone else) for not always shutting the 3-inch thick bullet-proof sliding glass door where patients check-in at. 1) I would like to mention that I had been trained to keep it open and 2) am not very concerned for my safety when our average patient can’t hear me because of how old they are which brings me to my final point – 3) our patients don’t understand what I’m having to protect myself from when they are coming in on their walkers and are 83-years-old (I totally agree with them). In my boss’ defense, she is the boss AND we were robbed in January (after business hours). In which case, I would argue if you really want to rob us you still could. You could easily set up an appointment, say you’re self pay with a fake alias, and then rob us. Duh, hasn’t my boss ever thought of how she’d break into a dermatology office is she were a hardened criminal? Maybe this is just a really good bluff, and she’s the Dermatology money-stealing criminal? No one would ever suspect her, hmm….Anyways, all that to say, even though I think it’s really “silly” (hehe), I will be keeping it shut from people who can barely get through the door much less beat me up.

So after the day was over, Mike and I had plans to meet up with the Gollottes at Peidmont Park in Downtown Atlanta. (It is so beautiful! Kinda like the Central Park of the South. It has baseball fields, playgrounds, soccer fields, wide open spaces, recreation facilities, etc. Just amazing!) I didn’t get off of work until 5 and we’d planned to meet them at 6. I rushed to Publix to pick up some things, heated up dinner, and was on my way to get Mike at school at 5:30 p.m. When I got to Tech, MB asked if I wanted him to drive. I said no in my haste because clearly, there wasn’t time to switch. When we pulled up to park, after driving like a bat outta hell to get there, Mike turned to me and said “I wanted to drive so I could give you this” and handed me my “Happy 10 Month Anniversary” card he’d made. Fiancee’ fail on my part. My b…

But we ended up having a really wonderful evening! The Gollottes are just a great family and we had been looking forward to getting together with them for awhile! We got to hang out by the playground and chat with each of them (while the other watched and played with the kids), learn more about each other (really fun to do actually) and the process of adoption.

Before I dive into my feelings on adoption, I want to share how neat I think God is and what a priviledge it is to know Him. It’s funny when you first become a Christian, and you can start to see God’s hand over your life and how he brought you to a place of repentance. What’s even cooler than that is when you are a Christian, and you can see it as things unfold AND in hindsight. There is such a joy in experiencing God’s providence as opposed to reflecting on it.Even though we’ve been in Atlanta for less than a month, this has never been more evident than now. For instance, the Gollottes adopted their daughter 7-months ago from Ethiopia. It’s neat because I’ve never met anyone who has, and just am so thankful from the opportunity to even learn more about how they went about doing so. Since I’ve been a Christian, I believe God has given me a heart for adoption. To me it comes down to two important points on adoption – 1) It is the Father’s heart as he adopts each and every one of His children through the blood of Jesus  (Ephesians 1: 3-6).  2) If the church is wanting to advance the answer (that abortion is wrong and breaks the heart of God) they need to actively be a part of the solution (unaborted fetuses= many, unwanted babies). As believing Christians, it is not believing in Jesus that matters (James 2:19), but our response to the internal transformation occurring within our hearts to be more like Christ. When we do, we should begin to receive the Father’s heart of adoption. Now yes, not everyone needs to go out there and adopt a child, but there are other ways this can transpire. For instance, I believe at 21 the Fishers adopted me into the Fisher family (Go Team Fish!). Now most people do not invite you to live with them or be a part of their family outside of Christ because well, again, our hearts are naturally wicked (Jeremiah 17:9) and our bodies self-serving. It’s not natural to let people in (why do you think it’s so difficult to just open up in a Life Group), but to close our hearts off from others who could potentially hurt us or know too much. The attack on the family goes past blood and seeps into the church when we begin to convince people that openness is just as unsafe within the confines of a congregation as it is out in the world. Loving people goes beyond praying for people or staying within our own family’s comforts, it takes the same heart of adoption that God has for you to accomplish. So anyways, random thoughts, but wanted to get them out there.

I really think that in the future it would be really neat to see how God not only unfolds what adoption means for mine and Michael’s family, but it’s cool to see how He’s really showed us things through the Fishers, and now the Gollottes. Just cool stuff.  So we had a great time, and are looking forward to hanging out with them more soon at IKEA! 🙂

We then left and headed back to Tech where I dropped off my nocturnal fiance’. Along the way, I got a text from Ryan (which only happens when I’m with Mike it seems), and it reintroduced some insecurities that Mike and I are dealing with now. For me, it is becoming harder and harder to extend grace to Michael. It seemed as though for so long I was very, sincerely understanding that my former relationships were something Mike would need time to really deal with.  Since an argument in Lavonia last weekend, I’ve realized that that grace has left my heart for him. I’ve become callous towards the issue because now it’s assisting in me building up my own securities regarding my past. I began to feel as if Mike was setting himself up on some high horse and I was powerlessly waiting for his true forgiveness and acceptance. It’s just a bad combination, as we feed into each other’s insecurities regarding my past. It’s interesting because it’s also caused me to realize while I didn’t always leave right in relationships physically either did Michael and that it bothers me even if those things happened with me because who I was then is not who I am now. It’s amazing how a perfectly nice night can change in a heartbeat because of how the Devil manipulates us. We both realized though that it’s life, it’s an issue, and it’s something we’re going to have to continue to go through together. So with a hug goodnight, an “I love you” or two, we left one another much better than we would have had we not.  🙂

Well, I’m off for today. Excited to go home and enjoy some time with my Babe though.  I’m glad I don’t just love him, but like him too. 🙂

September 1st, 2009 September 1, 2009

So just to keep you posted, last night we had the Ice Cream Social at GSU! So after work I picked up some groceries, made dinner, and ran out the door to get MB and get there!

I made a Shrimp Alfredo with Spinach all by myself (I’m very proud of it if you can’t tell!). I even added some garlic all on my own (after making sure Mike had some tic-tacs still. Gotta advance the Kingdom with good breath). I put it in a to-go container so that Mike and I could have some when we got to the Apartment Lofts. When we did, one of the girls who I’d met the week before was there with her friend, Amanda. They thought my meal was so great, they asked to taste it, and said it was delicious! I was pretty alarmed that someone who just met me was asking to eat my food, but felt very affirmed that I can cook when they liked it! 🙂

We got there at 7 (really 7:15 once we found a place to park), and after talking to Stephanie realized how hard it would be to invite people to our event. GSU Housing doesn’t allow for non-residents to enter the building (even for outside social events) and you can’t invite people coming inside or just outside the building. So we thought setting up and getting the media ready was the best idea. (Next week, we are meeting somewhere else and may be able to better invite students hanging out around campus). Unfortunately, after many attempts, playing the Habitudes information on the screen didn’t happen (po’ MB).

By now, Stephanie and Shawn were there and it was time to set up the ice cream. The two girls I’d met the week before were there first (including the one who had some pasta). That’s one thing that’s great about GSU – they aren’t big fibs about coming. If they aren’t coming, they’ll tell you, “I’m not coming”. Not just in my experiences, but other peoples so far too. It’s nice to not get your hopes up and not have someone show up.

So the ice cream was great, and by the time it started melting Pretti (girl I met) and I were on our way upstairs (14 story building – crazy!) to start knocking on doors and to invite people down with us. (Can I just say – I really miss being an RA right now). It was funny bc I wasn’t really inviting people, but it was as if I was just tagging along with her and she’d do all the work for me. We met lots of different folks and had some interesting experiences – from opening up windows where the AC was out, chillin in a living room with one too many Maxims, and lastly having a little concert in another apartment. People would just invite  you into their places – haven’t they learned safety risks from their RA?! lol J/k, but seriously, you do not know me like that and I’m all up in your place – whaaaaaat?? I ended up leaving her to come back downstairs around 9:45 since I knew I’d been gone too long.

Downstairs, Sterling, Mike, David MAURICE, and I got to brainstorm for how to make the Habitudes study most effective and designed for the GSU students to become a part of. We are going to have a blog up with discussion topics each week and a possible raffle. We decided that having almost “leadership accountability” would be a nice way for these students to eventually transition into life groups. We also thought inviting them to come serve with the church the 1st Sunday of every month would be a great way for them to apply what we learn in our Leadership study. Lastly, having people sign up to bring food as another means to have them feel not only a part of the group, but to own it for themselves.  Great stuff!

Lastly, funniest things ever. There is a guy here named David Maurice Geigerman, and he is at least 2 shades whiter than Mike (if you know what I mean) :), and therefore, AWESOME! Reminds me of Matty T a lot actually. We were walking with him back to our cars, just strollin’, when all of a sudden…SPLASH! I walked right into a giant puddle randomly formed in a dip on the Atlanta sidewalk. Like walk slash fall slash slip in this puddle and it soaks me up to my knees. And Dave in his awesomeness tells me “Sorry, I saw it, but I thought you did too.” It was pretty funny.

Then Dave determines his car is not in the direction we are going so we offer him a ride. Mike says something like “here’s our ride”, Dave laughs, and then once he realizes that the truck is seriously “our ride” goes – “Wait, this is really it?” Amazing again! Double amazing actually! We hope that Suntrust will let Dave off so that he can come camping with us this weekend on Sunday night! Pray he can! 🙂

Well, I’m out for the day. I’ve got to continue to plan events for a wonderful weekend with Lee Lee, Kels and Kev!

Weekend Recap August 31, 2009

So I wanted to share with you all how our weekend trip to Lavonia, GA went. We didn’t get to leave until ~7:30 p.m. on Friday night because of how late Michael got done with class. Once he was out at 6:30 p.m., he called and woke me up from my 3 hour nap (gloriousness). I was not ready to leave and scrambled to get my things together and get a bit to eat before our drive.

We got in around 9 p.m. to the quaint town where Mr. Keith Bennett (future father-in-law) grew up. His grandma brought out some lunch meats and hoagies for us to make sandwiches with. Now remember how I said I had a little something to eat before we left? Well I did, and was not up for eating too much more. Why does this matter? Well, there must be a Federation of Grandmas out there because my Grandma would have been just as offended. Not only did she call me out then, the next day TWO MORE TIMES she decided to bring up how “I don’t eat meat”. Awesome. Dinner fail.

So then, Michael mumbled at me after they were in the kitchen – why didn’t you just eat it? Mind you, I already felt super uncomfortable eating dinner in silence, having her watch me “not eat meat”, and trying to accept the fact that my family would include them in 3.5 months. So I just shut down. We had already had a rough week. It just seemed like everytime we got together I had a bad attitude or was exhausted and took it out on him. I was frustrated that I was trapped in Lavonia, GA for the weekend, out of my comfort zone and fighting with my amazingly attractive fiance’. Ugh. Which brings me to the next problema that occurred…

 “Dear Lord, I have decided what is best for our relationship. Thank you for your advice, this week it doesn’t seem to be working. My idea is MUCH better.”

So just to give you the house’s set-up, there are two extra bedrooms. Michael stayed in the one you have to go through to get to the bathroom, and I stayed in the other. So after my getting-ready-for-bed festivities, we made one conscience incorrect decision – that to lay in bed and just cuddle would be ok. It felt great to be held and ultimately to feel “loved”. It was also the best way to have Michael’s ear and just talk. The last week, Mike would come over to eat dinner and leave (my view); whereas, Mike was coming over to spend “quality time” with me (his view).  I didn’t realize him eating food and going home an hour later was his way of being intentional and recognizing that I needed quality time because it wasn’t quality time for me.  I didn’t feel bad initially just laying there, and then God reminded me of something Tricia had recently told me.

She said that her pastor had said (probably misquoted) “Don’t let your politics define what God says, let what God says define your politics.” Basically, we shouldn’t go into scripture and think how can I make this fit what I think is right. Instead, it takes an open, humble heart to not just learn, but accept that what God says is what’s right – not our own pre-meditated rights and wrongs which we search God’s Word to prove. It’s significant if you think about it. What good is God’s Word if we already know what’s best for our lives? If we did, we wouldn’t need God and the world would be a lot less jacked up.

So taking that within the context of our relationship, I realized that I was  saying what we needed rather than committing to what God says is best. I was allowing myself to determine what was best for us (laying in bed together), when how deceptive is that? I was convinced it was just what we needed after a rough week. And this is odd, I didn’t feel bad about it. I knew we were breaking a boundary we have, but I didn’t “feel” something about it. I think that it’s important to be obedient to God past what our feelings convinct us of.

So I left, went to bed and the next day we were off to the Dillard House. If you don’t know, the Dillard House is a glutton’s heaven. You sit down and they just keep bringing you out food until you ask them to stop. They change the food everyday, but it’s always a bunch of Southern favorites. The car ride was an hour and half each way,  and so on the way back we decided to stop at Tallulah Gorge. It was a really beautiful site, and particularly nice to watch with some Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. We got back to the house, relaxed, and showed his Grandma some pictures for the wedding (which they won’t be able to make) so I was really happy she got to see what we were planning on doing.

The next morning we took Michael’s Grandma to her church. Oh boy, Southern Baptists, I don’t know if I’ve heard the word “brother” so much in a service. Awesome. Even better, Steven Colbert was the preacher, and when I tell you that we sang the most out of tune version of Amazing Grace, I’m not kidding. It was really good for her to see a lot of people, and they could not have been sweeter or more excited to say “hello”. We ate lunch back at their house, and headed back to Atlanta afterwards.

On the car ride, we determined we needed to make our Date Nights a weekly priority. Starting last night, we got to go to Olive Garden because, well, we hadn’t gone out for the last couple weeks and our date fund could afford a dent in it. It was so good! Michael enjoyed the Never-ending Pasta Bowl, and I stood faithfully by my soup & salad! Mmmmmm, delicious!

Then we got to meet up with the Browns! Yay! It was a great day for them; their son, Levi got baptized! Very exciting! 🙂 So by the time we got there (8:30) they were just getting over a day’s celebration! We got to really get to know one another better, align ourselves with the church’s direction, and see where we could really have the opportunity to best serve. It was just really neat. Just seeing God’s providential hand being over our lives was awesome. I mean the fact that we didn’t even know them 8 days ago, genuinely missed seeing them at church, and could sit back and chill on their couch was amazing. Where does that happen outside of God? No where, and it was so natural. 

 Really cool, and really excited for tonight’s Ice Cream Social at 8 p.m. We are going to be getting there early to pass out some flyers, and the two girls I met last week said they will be there. That’s the one thing that’s different than FSU. GSU seems just as social, but people do not have friends (and I’m not talking about freshmen). They seem way more desperate for friendships which is great because I’d rather someone know they need them than live in fake relationships with false security. So, hopefully, tonight goes great! You’ll have to check tomorrow and see!

Whatchya watchin’?

Good afternoon/lunchbreak! God has really convinced me that I need to spend this time wisely. I am going to use my 30-minute lunch breaks to blog and dive into God’s Word! There are some things that I believe God’s been wanting me to share so I’m very eager to do so today!

(As I look at my post-it note to reference…) I want to begin with a dream I had last Thursday/Friday morning (they seem like the same now that I wake up when it’s dark out).  In the dream, I was at a movie theater (alone) and was watching a flic on the big screen. I don’t have any idea what the plot/theme was (the problem of trying to recall 3-night old dreams), but all I remember was that in it there were snakes that were attacking the people in the film. They just kept multiplying, and because of it, I decided to leave. Now, why I think this was a God-dream (as opposed to that “what the heck?”-kinda dream) is that in previous “dream seasons” I would always be attacked by Satan in the form of a snake. For example, snakes would try and bite my ankles (represents faith in the Bible). I think that more recently, God is trying to impress on me the significance of what I allow my eyes to see and absorb (specifically in the media and movies). Whether it is through passive ideologies,  over-sexed scenes, or ruthless horror films, we can allow those images to put out our light:

Matthew 6:22,23 says “The lamp of the body is the eye. If, then, your eye is simple, your whole body will be bright; but if your eye is wicked, your whole body will be dark. If in reality the light that is in you is darkness, how great that darkness is!”

Or if you constantly put these sort of images into your body, then that’s what comes out:

Mark 7: 20 And he said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. 21 For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23 All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”

If in nature we are wicked, then why help out our flesh?! If we continue to put more junk into our minds, that’s exactly what will come out. It’s easy to see this process in our digestive track, but not in what we expel from what’s taken in through our eyes. Unfortunately,our eye “bowels” work just as well (lol).  And just so you know, I don’t believe it’s necessarily limited to the love scenes that are becoming more like soft-core porn everyday. It’s down to the funny scene in The Proposal, where Oscar Nunez (from the Office which made it funnier) strips that you don’t allow to bother you because it’s all in good fun. Or how about all the false expectations that we (as women especially) allow to set us up for failure in our relationships? I mean, I really enjoyed watching the Proposal, but afterwards I felt so discontent with my relationship. I thought, “Wow, I wonder what it would be like to go to Alaska and stay in a mansion” or “Aww, that’s so cute. I wish___.” (they were getting married illegally to prevent her from deportation and magically fell in love in a weekend). So when we come back to reality, we can’t help but view our situations as less than ___. It’s such a great way for Satan to wrap us up in discontentment no matter what the season. Just like the snake he is, he will constrict us from enjoying all God has for us. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship or not, one romantic comedy and your happy heart is flopping like a fish on deck.

Or better yet, where they “fall in love” and don’t have a godly standard for their pre-marital relationship? Do you think to yourself  “That is offensive to God. I wouldn’t want that” because if so, that’s awesome. I don’t yet. Instead, there my mind goes, “They look so happy. I want ___”.  The result is always discontentment in having to wait for God’s best. And that’s why spending time in God’s Word to rewire our brains is so important. If we don’t rely on it to define what true love is, or more importantly what it takes, then we are screwed at ever finding it in our own lives.

August 26, 2009 August 26, 2009

Hellllooooooo!

I am so glad I got a good night’s sleep yesterday! I went to bed at 9 :15. It was glorious waking up, AND being awake, at 6:15 this morning when my alarm went off.

I got to work at 7:35, and today was my first day all by myself at the desk. Candace is the check-out lady here who trained me, and has returned to her post. I am doing well, and haven’t had too many mess ups or questions so far. Today, is also pretty slow (relatively) because we only have Dr. Warner and one of the PAs (certain days we have 2). It’s amazing how much more excellent you can be with a good night’s sleep.

It also seems to be a good remedy to the bad attitude purity blues. Since Michael and I have been in Atlanta, purity has been more difficult. In Tallahassee, we had plenty of accountability and here we just don’t yet (part of the reason I’m so excited to have a great church!). Now that we’ve decided that bending our boundaries isn’t ok (for two artsy folk, we sure can be creative about not “breaking” them), I believe that Satan is starting to attack my attitude. Sunday it happened, and then again last night. I just shut down and don’t want to be nice, don’t want to care, and am flat out angry and bitter that I “can’t” kiss my fiance’ instead of rejoicing that what we have will last a lifetime because of the foundation we’re building together now in Christ.  Plus, it’s hard when your fiance’ is the only person you really know, so when he leaves by 9 p.m. each night, then I’m home alone again. When I don’t have enough sleep, it gets even worse, because not only do I not want to have the right attitude, I become too tired to care about changing anything. And everyday I also seem to realize just how selfish I really am, and therefore, need Jesus to continue to impact my life in greater way. For instance, yesterday, I didn’t want to hug Mike goodbye because if I did I knew he’d have to leave (which he didn’t realize until I said it). I just want for Mike to be able to stay at my place, and not have to go when I don’t see the bigger picture.

Now onto Exodus 34: 8-10 –

 ⁸ Moses bowed to the ground at once and worshiped. ⁹ “O Lord, if I have found favor in your eyes,” he said, “then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance.”

 ¹⁰ Then the LORD said: “I am making a covenant with you. Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you.

Verse 8 is gr8 because it is something so easily lost in Christianity. We often try to convince people that obedience is key with one missing link – first telling them how much God loves them and how overwhelmingly gracious He is towards us in our sins and weaknesses. What I really believe is that obedience isn’t hard to convince people of once they begin to understand that initial piece. As we see here, when Moses saw the glory of God he fell to his knees at once (a posture of absolute submission to God). He didn’t get back, then wrestle with what he should do next; it was a reaction. And yes, do we always react to God that way, absolutely not. There are areas in all our lives that we do not give to God like that, but truly struggle with handing over to Him. But I believe the best motivation to live right is to know how much you are loved by God first and foremost. This Love is what motivates us to be more like Christ and convinces us that God’s will is better than our own.   When we don’t do things out of these motivations, but instead for our own gain or praise, things don’t always work out so well (See Matt 7:21-23). That is why I believe God is concerned with our motivations more than our actions. So while we are not saved by works, they happen as a result of the changes we’ve experienced internally as Christians. Even on our bad days, when we really don’t feel like living right, or having the best attitude, Jesus still needs to be the motivation to act against our fleshly nature.  And then there are people who feel they do not need God because they are already “good” people who do “good” things. Again, motivation is key. Why we do good things matters more than the good things we do, and for us to best serve people, we need Christ.

Verse 9: A young woman in my life group ( I believe it was Kiana) once mentioned something her mother had told her to do. She said that it had really helped her to invite Jesus into her day, everyday. It reminds me of what Moses was telling the Lord to do here. After Moses saw God, he also saw himself and his people for who they really were – wicked. Now unlike many of us, Moses didnt’ shy away and think “I’m not good enough” to even have God’s favor or love. He instead said to the Lord boldly, take us! We need you! Come, be with us, and change us! He basically said, WITHOUT YOU LORD WE SUCK!

Verse 10: God says, ya, I see that you suck too. And because I’m God, and I love you, I’m going to do something great. Because you not only want to be used by me, but have asked that I use you, I will. I will do greater things than anyone around you has seen. I will change you and make you more like me, so that the other people who suck and don’t know me, will know not only that I love them, but that I can change their lives too. That they can have better lives than what they have now and as a result, you will all glorify Me.

Pretty neat stuff. Let me know what you think, I’d love to hear your interpretation!

August 25th, 2009 August 25, 2009

Wow! I am writing on the 25th 0f August already! I can’t believe we’ve been here that long already. Crazy!

Well, just like every Monday this week started crazy! I start work on Monday mornings at 7:45, and wanted to make a great first impression on my first full day of work. I made sure I left in enough time to get here a few minutes early and be ready for a great day at work.  Since Michael has a longer commute to school than I have to work we decided that it would make more sense for him to take my car to school to save on gas.  So not only was this my first full day at work, it was also my first day with the prestigious upgrade getting to drive Mike’s 1989 truck to work. After 8 missed calls from Mike, I got up and got ready for work. I got ready, threw some stuff together for lunch and then headed on in. On my way, the truck started to wrestle with me when I tried to accelerate. I called Michael thinking that something had gone wrong with the truck itself, but much to my amazement it wasn’t the truck. As I puttsed out into the median, Michael informed me that instead I was running out of gas. I didn’t know if I’d rather die, or kill him, but I decided that I’d regret both eventually ;). )(Plus, I really want 5 kids still, and think I’d need his help for all that. :)) So when I first called Mike, he got up and was walking out the door by the time I told him it ran out of gas. I guess he’s used to this sort of protocol by now :). So he came and met me to switch out cars and I was so upset that I’d be making a terrible second impression with my coworkers and boss. Great. Anyways, we both lived, and yes, incase you’re wondering I ended up apologizing for the bad attitude I had about it. In all fairness, MB did tell me it was low on gas, I just didnt’ realize how low and that there wasn’t enough to even get me to work. The women at work were very understanding, so today I made sure I was at least 10 minutes early to redeem myself.

Work went really well, I think that I am catching on pretty well. Health insurance stinks though. All the stuff you have to remember is constantly changing it seems, and insurance companies are always doing new things. Hard for me to keep up with. I have to laugh though, today a girl came in with bleached blonde hair and because of something I did/said she said I should become a blonde too. I thought that was pretty funny. So work is fun, and I am trying to get to know the women here really well. We listen to Country music all day, so I feel like my CMT lovin’ heart is gettin’ revived. I really want to be intentional with my time in Atlanta wherever I am includng my job. I think it’s really important to not segregate the places that you want God to use you, and that’s my goal.  I’ve realized how easy it is to be absolutely shameless  about who you are and what you stand for when you don’t know anyone. I really don’t feel like there’s any expectation of who “Ashley Lynn” is here yet, you know what I mean? It’s kinda liberating to decide that today I want to be the best I can be. It’s easier said than done when you get in a routine and forget that God is using in a greater capacity everyday.

So before I forget, I want to share something that I believe God started to help me realize last night. For those of you who do not know, I have anxiety towards the idea of moving. It is really hard for me to think that in 2 years we may be in Atlanta, or may be relocating . I believe it’s because of how I was raised, changing homes every 3-4 days, but am really unsure why it bothers me to the extent that it does.  So we prayed last night after meeting new people on Georgia State’s campus, and I realized something that hopefully will help to retrain the way I’ve thought. The fact of the matter is that up until the last 1.5 years of my life, I felt that I never had true stability. I never had a place of rest to come home to at the end of the day, or at least that I can really remember. And ever since living with the Fishers (plug that they’re awesome, if you don’t know them, you should), and now moved to Atlanta, I feel that I’ve really found true rest. And if my life continues, where Michael and I move around, whether for his career or to help with church plants or whatever, I know that wherever I go in obedience to Christ, He will ensure that there is a place of rest for me there and that means so much. And that although I lived in Clearwater for 18 years, I never felt stability being there. So if my kids move a lot, that will not determine their stability, what does is the people you really establish relationships with in your life and the safety of a healthy home.  Really neat stuff.

So anyways…back to the ATL life…

I got a message from Myssi, and then called her and Sterling after work, about going to Georgia State last night at 7 p.m. for a BBQ social in an effort to start reaching the campus. How cool was it to be there, on the first day that my fellow FSU friends could be reaching the lost in Tallahassee? It brought joy to my heart knowing I am still partnering with those people to advance God’s kingdom in a new location and fresh way.

So I met Mike, picked him at Tech, and then we headed to Georgia State which is also located in Downtown Atlanta. We both got to connect with some students in a Residence Hall (inlcuding RAs who I about attacked with joy for Housing, and enjoyed talking about how they’re doing, program ideas, etc). I got to have some really neat conversations with non-RAs too and really feel that God is giving both Michael and I a heart for Georgia State. Next week there will be an Ice Cream social at 7 p.m. so check out the details on how that went. I am going to invite 2 of the girls who I really got to speak with one-on-one (one who even offered me her number which if you’ve ever tried reaching out to people is the most ideal situation) with and I do believe would begin coming out to our Leadeship Study, Habitudes (anyone from Tallahassee know what I’m talking about? 😉 ).

Lord, we just humbly and boldly ask you to take GSU and FSU by storm this year and in the years to come. We proclaim that those campuses, students and employees are Yours and ask that you would create opportunities for us to reach the lost there. Thank you so much for the wonderful conversations and opportunities that Michael and I are having there. Please do not let it end there. We ak that you would continue to prepare people’s hearts for your message and that they come out to the Ice Cream Social and Habitutdes to relationally connect with us more. Thank you for the Browns, the Wheelers, Chad and his family (last name? lol), David MAURICE (and his smokin’ hot wife which you’re preparing for him) because they are amazing! Thank you for all you are doing in my life and overwhelming my expectations in Atlanta! Thank you Jesus! Amen!